Illusions …
In a world where everyone is looking for a story I have found that the best stories usually happen to those who seek to do, find, and experiment with the world around them. Now the key component to my theory is the world itself. This means what world you choose to live in because let’s face it, we don’t all live in the same reality, but as humans we have one thing that is inescapable to all of us and yet we forget it every day: you create the world around you.
As an only child I was told since childhood that I was alone. Only child says it all. Everyday my mother reminded me of how alone I was, and that should they die at that precise moment I would have no one or nothing else and therefore have to produce everything for myself. Little did I know the impact this would have on me years later or how it would traumatize me for life and give me the idea for my book Only Child Syndrome coming circa 2025, or at least this is what my witch predicts.
I used to cry as a child thinking about this and visualizing the world as empty and pitch black with nothing but land and water and me in it, kind of like Wall-e, only Carla or whatever I would decide to call myself since no one is around to name me. How would I eat? What would I wear? Who would I talk to? And most importantly how would I have fun? Money never crossed my mind.
Children. So innocent…
Eventually I realized that if there existed nothing for me I could create everything and it would be there for me to take and only me. This is the way I see the world today even though I am not alone since thankfully my parents have yet to die, but in reality I am. We all are, and yet we turn to people on a daily basis to resolve things for us, make us feel loved or reassured, or simply keep us company. It’s bullshit. An illusion. What isn’t an illusion, however, and has become very real and the only tangible thing in this empty world is money. Money makes the world go round and 20 years later I find myself asking one question which answers all the others. How do I make more money than humanly possible to feed myself, buy myself clothes, surround myself with amusing people, and have more fun than I can possibly imagine?
This becomes a conflict when you don’t like the real world, which I don’t. It sucks. Corporate America is a joke. If it were up to me I would travel everywhere, eat what I want, say what I feel, and do as I please, but we have rules, morals, structure. Or so we think. Also an illusion. Who’s to say what you can and can’t do? What’s good and what’s bad? What’s real and what’s more or less real?
We study our whole lives as part of a school system to learn what? And to get where? To graduate and then have to find a job in a well-known company or somewhere that has “promise and security.” Corporate America is the school system for adults, and we just can’t wait to get accepted to the best whatever the fuck you want to call it (we might as well call it prison) where you continue to do work assigned to you by someone else as it’s been done your whole life.
So how do you beat the system? Be radical. Create your own world with the elements around you that are already in place for a reason, and when you are as self-absorbed you believe that the reason is for your own success.
See I personally believe that everything that happens to me is so that I can write about it because, well I need to let other people know how crazy I am, and so I think I have this gift where I can write about nothing as I have been for the past 20 minutes and yet I am writing about everything that embodies the human experience, which is food, sex, drugs, emotions, and most importantly finding yourself in this world where you are ultimately alone.
And because this is a “food” blog (fucking structure) I’m posting something about “food” tomorrow.
Maybe Friday. I’m a rebel.
